At long last, the man at the heart of the Kenyan chess scandal has been brought to justice! Freddy, never one to put too much effort into his footwear, finds it comical that the size-11 sneakers weren’t spotted beneath the burka. The real question comes from whether it’s necessary to separate men and women for chess tournaments. Bodybuilding competitions? Absolutely. But chess? Perhaps the answer lies with Matt Moulding who is eager to lend a hand with some of his protein. After getting through current events, Carson vents about the complete lack of professionalism from the cabal of award-winning PhD journalists. How in the world did two comedians prank Jerome Powell? All it took was a phone call from King Zevinsky. As if Krista’s pop quiz on world events wasn’t going poorly enough, we come to find out that Pablo Escobar will forever be remembered in the history books for his hippo sanctuary. And for all of you wondering what exactly going on with the current banking crisis… Carson has a parting gift.